Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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