People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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