someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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