as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Two words: blizzard sex
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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