are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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