I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
