It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
