Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
