and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
