Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
it's great music for shaving your balls
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He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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