I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
