i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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