you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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