She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Randomize
