shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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