i just had sex bonerless
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
