Her vagina should come with caution tape.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Randomize
