if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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