HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
