Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
