wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
