I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Randomize