Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
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