we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
i think i just lost a toe
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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