I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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