I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
