I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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