i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
