By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
