apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
