I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
only you would photoshop your dick
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
So many bounce houses so little time
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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