i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
