that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
