saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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