I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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