The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
