Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
