i'm lost and i look like a hooker
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
