Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
