Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
