call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Randomize
