Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
