Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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