i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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