her vagine was all disorganized.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
