Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
