I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
