you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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