you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
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What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
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What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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