I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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