Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Randomize
