Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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