She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
