right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
