Where did you get a picture of my penis
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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