I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
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