I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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