I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
