so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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