Me too!
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
