do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
