I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
