my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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