She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
