i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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